Trauma!!

In endurance sports such as Running, Mountaineering or Triathlons, the ones  I am familiar with, we don’t race against another person. We also don’t race against ourselves. We instead race towards a version of ourselves that sits perched on the other side of that distance. A version that we have conceived through arduous meditations on those long trails and training runs. 

That version of us, on the far side of the 26.2 mile or a 100 mile long trail or road is prettier, hardier and a more desirable version of ourselves. It’s who we wanna become. A Marathoner, a Mountaineer or what have you. Event day comes around and the Caterpillar must push itself out of the the Chrysallis and the Butterfly must earn its wings. It is a hard day, no matter what has gone on before that. It is a terribly hard day. But it does get done, this version of the metamorphosis complete. The Ghost that sat on the other side and beckoned us, has become us now. A stronger, more powerful, more confident us, with prettier more colorful and powerful wings has emerged. A conquest was made. A conceive, believe and achieve was done. We celebrate as we should, our achievement, wear it across our neck or on our lapel and  get a spring in our walk for a few. The headiness earned lasts for a few days or weeks, perhaps.  That is untill we undertake the next journey, the next metamorphosis. This could be said about all accomplishments and achievements in life. But this is not what the writeup is about. 

You see sometimes, the hard gets harder. A perchance event, bad weather, missed trailhead, and the already hard journey gets nasty. An injured knee shows up and we are too far out in the wilderness to have an escape. The already long hours become longer. The already intolerable pain of operating on the edge becomes downright distressing. A four hour race becomes an 8 hour death march. A ten hour trail, becomes a twenty hour hide and seek with the one that must not be named. A slippery slope that can kill, almost does. A gushing stream that could wash us away, almost does. The journey becomes a nightmare. Pain we could handle, but trauma is quite another story. We dig deep and deeper to survive, the person becoming an organism clinging to life, mother nature becoming one to test that cling. It is not pretty any more. Nothing pretty and hardy sits on the other side beckoning us. We are nearly at the wrong place at the wrong time. The emerging butterfly wings have got twisted and are torn. A still birth has become a possibility. 

But the organism persevers and nature lightens up on the funky game it chose for us that instance. We hear the road, we see the lights. That “We have survived” sound starts breathing a little easier and less shaky. And survived we have. 

This has happened to some and will happen to others who choose to go out and play. Inside the safety of home and offices nature will choose a different game for you. That’s just how it is. 

The point is what should our response be at the end of one such traumatic journey. We can drown the real pain we felt in the din of how strong we are to have endured and come through. We can celebrate and cheer and hi-five like nothing much different happened. We can throw a party with trays full of delicious food like the one that was thrown for Tom Hanks in Cast Away, after he was found and got home, having spent years on an desolate island. A party where he stares at the plate full of Crab legs, cooked and overloaded …while his mind shuffles back to when he learned to spike the first Crab with a sharpened pieced of wood, while on the edge of starvation on the Island. Indeed he gets no pleasure seeing the tables full and overflowing with food.

Trauma is such a thing. If it visits us, it changes us. It needs to be addressed. Sometime addressing it is just acknowledging it. Seeing it in the eye. Knowing it’s presence. Giving it attention. And then slowly it will melt away. Trauma, Fear, Hurt… they all need our love. And then they wither away. On the other hand, if we ignore them, they will just linger there to bubble up next, when we least expect them. Individual trauma, collective social Trauma such as that of a War or Natural Calamity or even a 9/11 type incident. They need to be engaged with and not wished away. 

That’s my view anyway. If ever we get visited by one, as we all must one day or another, gently and lovingly let’s attend to it. Recognize and acknowledge the pain, before we hope for it to go away. 

But then again, what do I know.. what does anyone know really!!